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| Fear Itself | 
Date Sun Sep 27 1:11:52 a.m. ET 2009
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| With my "stunning" success last week  (1-5; Oh well, at least I predicted the **most important** game correctly, right Brian?), my inbox has been flooded with requests by owners to have me pick them to LOSE this weekend. Let's see if I can figure out where I went wrong and try and do better this weekend:C'Ville Survivors Vs. Sumthin' 'bout Brett: The 2 most punctuationally-challenged teams square off in a Must-Win-Or-Who-Knows-What-Fred-Will-Rename-Me battle for Dean (Randy may be off the hook for re-naming "honors" after last week's surprise win). That's right, I'm still riding The Meat Curtain bandwagon! I see the potential for Liz's QB's to be involved in shootouts this week, while I still don't trust Kurt Warner to remain upright for long, and Carson Palmer is facing the Pitt. DEF. Liz gains a starting RB in Felix Jones (Curse your fragility, Marion Barber!)and I like his match-up vs. Carolina. I see Jerry Jones being pissed he couldn't win last week's opener of his $billion stadium and taking it out on the hapless Panthers. With Dean's loss (and subsequent dropping of Anthony Gonzalez), there's not much in his WR corps beyond Randy Moss. VJax is breaking out, and SBB should be able to cobble together enough to win the WR category. Verdict: Sorry Liz, I'm picking you to Win and maintain your supremacy over the Puff,Puff,Pass Division. Dean, I suggest getting a copy of The Urban Dictionary and start perusing possible re-names for your team next year  .Purple Sunday Vs. Randy's Dandies: Terry's loss last week can be attributed to starting an ex-Raven RB (Jamal Lewis) over a current Raven RB (McGahee). While I like the balance of his QB trio, his running game still looks suspect. His "Beltway Backs" (Portis/McGahee) have good match-ups this week against Det. and Clev, and although I don't trust them to make it through the season, should put up good numbers this week. AS I PREDICTED LAST WEEK  (yes, Psychic hotline, I am avaialble for consultations), Randy was able to con someone out of an RB for...Jake Delhomme?!? I wonder what part of Delhomme's 6 turnovers vs. 1 TD pass Rich found appealing. Though I am not sold on Julius Jones, Randy now has the market cornered on SEA RB's to go with a suddenly-hot Ronnie Brown and ride-'em-while he lasts Cadillac Williams. Randy's Pro Bowl-caliber WR's will crush whoever Terry starts. Now if Randy were to actually START his best QB (Sanchez), this will become a much more competitive game then I initially thought.Verdict: I'm basing my pick on historical precedent as much as the individual match-ups this week. Without resorting to actually checking "facts" and "statistics," in seems Terry always has a solid-to-above-average team, while Randy goes from from re-name victim to playing in the Nate Bowl and back again. Terry gains the "W" this week in a close game that could be decided in the K/DEF categories. If only Randy had top-ranked Nate Kaeding to help him out this week  ... Amish Justice Vs. Bird Brains: I don't know what Rich saw in Jake Delhomme that made him trade for him (I would give Seneca Wallace the start), but that move is going to cost him. Sure, Aaron Rodgers has a tasty match-up with the Rams, but as in wk. #1, I may have a better game at QB (0.000 pts., for those keeping score at home) then DelHomme. Advantage Vince, with his highly efficient/low yardage duo of Favre and Pennington. Although many teams now use RBBC, it appears Rich has left himself with a stud (Gore) playing a tough Minn DEF and 4 back-ups to choose from as his #2 RB this wk. Good luck with that. Vince's Forte/Turner/LJ trio hasn't broken out yet, but is a good bet to win the RB category this week. The Bird Brains have a nice stable of WR's. Brandon Marshall may be blanketed by Oakland's shutdown corner N. Asomugha, but I like Steve "NYG" Smith vs. Tampa. Chad Ochocinco looks to be revitalized, and should be respectable vs. Pitt. With Welker banged up and Roddy White in N.E., I don't like Vince's chances in the WR battle. Verdict: Rich's Bird-Brained trade gives the under-rated Amish Justice their first victory of the year. The Meat Curtain Vs. Ladyboy Surprise: Is there any question where I'm going with this one? Despite Fred's refusal to play Timmy(!) Hightower (uh, he is your top-scoring back this season, Fred), his RB's far out-class Mark's. LBS gambled on a healthy Tomlinson, and lost. Sure, he was smart enough to handcuff Sproles, but with Marshawn Lynch still suspended, his backfield is looking lame. Is anyone scared of a potential Sproles/Leon Washington/Le'Ron McClain backfield? I'm thinking no. It can't compete with Fred's options. FWIW, I also like Fred's reserve RB's of Choice, Coffee and Davis. Its as if Fred sees into the future when he acquires players, oh, about a week before they become choice targets. Of course, I was all set to jump all over Mario Manningham THIS week, but alas--too late. A suddenly human Tom Brady and low-production Jason Campbell can't match Fred's Rivers/Schaub combo. That's 2 categories Mark loses. Having Desean Jackson banged up certainly hurts Mark and his fiscally conservative WR corps. On the bright side, Mark does have the better Ram receiver (Laurent Robinson over Donnie Avery)! Even a nice Jason Witten play and Nate Kaeding (so that's where he went...) can't help Mark enough. Verdict: Doing the best I can to help Mark move above .500, I confidently predict a Meat Curtain victory. War Eagles vs. Whitecaps: Ah, a match-up of the Brothers Grimm. Ben Roethlisbereger, eager for revenge against former owner Jeff, will be pulling out all the stops in Cincy. Combined with Matt Ryan, they will soundly "thunk" Jeff's over-matched Quinn-on-the-Kolb duo. Chris Johnson had the game of his life last weekend. By the law of averages, he has to regress this week. It looks like "No-Show" Moreno won't be a factor for Jeff, and his Parker/Slaton duo has yet to impress. Brian seriously likes hand-cuffing (Westbrook/McCoy AND Jacobs/Bradshaw), and one of each of those pairs plus a resurgent Cedric Benson (even against the Pitt. DEF) help Brian dominate the RB category. Assuming he can hold a roster spot for him till he's back, Anthony Gonzalez was a nice pick-up for Jeff. In fact, Jeff has stock-piled Indy WR's (quick note: don't forget, Austin Collie is still out there waiting for you to grab him!); perhaps hoping to neutralize Peyton Manning's value to me in our 2nd game this year? Paired with Drew Brees' #1 target M. Colston, he easily outpoints Brian's wideouts, none of whom have yet reached even the vaunted 19-pt. plateau for the season. Verdict: The Whitecaps crest too early, and fall to the bottom of the TFOW division. Fear Itself Vs. New Orleans Sain..., uh, Lindy Hoppers: A battle for division supremacy of the 2 most injured squads, judging by all the "P," "Q," and "O" symbols on the respective team's rosters. Matt's "Drony Bromo" combo has great pairings against Buffalo and Carolina. It's looking to be a shoot-out for Peyton Manning in the desert, but Matt still wins the QB category. The N.O. RB situation is a complete mess, making me wonder if Matt will avoid it altogether and just go with a very musical Jackson 2 (Fred and Steven) and Run DMC. I will be waiting till the last second to see whether I pulled a rabbit out of a hat with the addition of Lynell Hamilton, but MB III's injury stings my backfield. Asking "All Day" Peterson for another big game against a so-far respectable 49er DEF may be too much. I don't envy a Brown/Buckhalter backfield, but that's what it looks like. After a Goose Egg last week, Greg Jennings is sure to "step up" for the Lindy Hoppers. The rest of Matt's wideouts have under-performed this season, but with all the "Questionable"s facing my WR's, it may not matter. Depending on the inactives, I may not even be able to field 3 WR's! If all I can put out is a Davone Bess/Torry Holt pairing, I'm sunk. I DO like my Philly DEF match-up against the Chiefs, but can't expect another 41 pt. performance, like Wk.#1. Verdict: Matt's team forgets the meaning of Fear, and Hops to the top of the division (on a head-to-head tie-breaker). And with this week's column, I humbly hand in my crystal ball and leave the prognostications to my fellow FNNFFLers in the coming weeks. I'll be scouting the Redskins-Bucs game in person next week in attempt to finally uncover a decent WR3. |
| Randy's Dandies |
Date Sun Sep 27 7:06:25 a.m. ET 2009
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| Dear Faux Guru, Short-time listener, long-time caller. When describing Purple Sunday as a "solid-to-above-average" team, I assume you really meant to say "not relevant since 2002." Because I can't even remember anything about Purple Sunday's last half-decade or so. In fact, until reading this, I thought maybe Purple Sunday had been contracted. But I guess they've just "contracted" the disease of mediocrity. My mistake. But I'm not here to slander Terry's team by calling them irrelevant - I can do that later.* I'm here to issue the irresponsibly bold prediction that the Dandies will win the 2009 FNNFFL title behind a pair (and possibly a trio) of rookie QB's. And, yes, Chris, The Dandies' best QB (Mark Sanchez) is now a full-fledged FNNFFL starting QB, beginning this week. We're though dallying around with JaMarcus, and I cast away Delhomme just to rid myself of the temptation. It's the rookies' show, and the future is youth, and the future is now. Watch and learn about the future, people. On the other hand, if any of you want to learn about the past, just take a look at Terry's HB corps.** Thanks for listening, The Guru *Okay, I'll do it now: I'm not saying that Terry's team is irrelevant...but I heard Crayola just dropped the color purple from their product line this year. I'm not saying that Terry's team is irrelevant...but he's starting Scott Baio as his 3rd TE. I'm not saying that Terry's team is irrelevant...but I heard that when God rested on the seventh day after creating Earth, it was only because he forgot that there was a day after Saturday. If the seventh day were called Dandyday, He would've given us jetpacks. **I'm not saying that Jamal Lewis is old...but I just read he's listed as doubtful this week with cholera. **I'm not saying that Clinton Portis is old...but I heard he might miss this week's game because an axl broke on his buggy. **Terry, I'm not saying that your HB's are old...but "best limp" is not a rushing stat category. Sorry. Neither is "shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln," although it should be. |
| Randy's Dandies |
Date Sun Sep 27 7:10:09 a.m. ET 2009
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| I'm not saying that Fred Taylor is old, but he just sent me an angry rebuttal to my post...by telegram. The Guru |
| Purple Sunday |
Date Sun Sep 27 8:13:56 a.m. ET 2009
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| Well we now understand why the Guru hasn't surfaced yet this year. Randy, have you spent the last three weeks writing that "Ode to Purple Sunday"? I'm honored. As for irrelevance? - I'm sorry if my 3rd highest win total among FNNFFL owners bores you. - I'm sorry my 57% winning percentage isn't as exciting as your 48% winning percentage. - I'm sorry that me and my league championship doesn't impress you. - I'm sorry that even if you sweep me for the next two years... (let me know when you wake up from that daydream), you still wouldn't hold a winning head-to-head record against me. - I'm sorry that my team name (and your jokes about it) have gotten old, while the three new names that have been bestowed on you have been very entertaining. - I'm sorry I haven't been cool in setting a league record of the most (irrelevant) QB's drafted by a team in league history. - I'm sorry you've never liked my running backs or anointed a kicker as the face of my franchise (the 3 kickers in 2002 don't count, lol). - I'm sorry... that your team - past and present - is sorry. I'd continue, but it's tailgating time. Happy Purple Sunday all! |